High School Essays - Aussie V8 | Holden - Ford

STREETFIRE68 · 03-08-2008, 10:18 PM

These are some analogies and metaphors found in high school essays in America.

The list was assembled by the Society for Scholarly Publishing. Speaking of which, can you imagine the sorts of people who are in the Society for Scholarly Publishing? I bet they know how to have a good time.

Anyway, here are the analogies and metaphors in all their written glory. There's some absolute genius here.

__________________________________________________ __________

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E-Coli and he was room-temperature beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and The Simpsons comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:38pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

CK_318 · 08-08-2008, 06:23 PM

Quote:

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

my choice selection, i love em all really but those got teh biggest laugh

STREETFIRE68 · 08-08-2008, 08:12 PM

My favourite was the "maggots fried on hot grease" one.

evl1308 · 09-08-2008, 10:35 AM

where do you find this stuff streety??? hahahahaha its gold, stupid americans

wabbit · 09-08-2008, 03:40 PM

some absolute pearlers, there

Greeny · 10-08-2008, 12:37 AM

OMFG!!!! This is the funniest shit I have ever read and Im not exagerating. I was LOL for real and not the kind of LOL you get ASAP at a BBQ you attend and the YMCA and end up thinking FFS!!! WTF Was I LOL for? that joke was FUBAR and now Im gonna DUI home cuz im embarrased type of LOL I was literally Laughing Out Loud!!!

I am boot legging this one thru everyone I know. Cheers for the laugh streetfire!!

WB5LTR · 10-08-2008, 02:27 PM

bloody seppo's!!!

toryman · 16-08-2008, 11:43 PM

Hahahahahahaha, **** me thats some good shit!

03-08-2008, 10:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
STREETFIRE68 Chrome Bars = Real Cars Trade Rating: (0) Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Adelaide, SA Ride: Your sister :) Posts: 1,317	High School Essays These are some analogies and metaphors found in high school essays in America. The list was assembled by the Society for Scholarly Publishing. Speaking of which, can you imagine the sorts of people who are in the Society for Scholarly Publishing? I bet they know how to have a good time. Anyway, here are the analogies and metaphors in all their written glory. There's some absolute genius here. __________________________________________________ __________ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. She grew on him like she was a colony of E-Coli and he was room-temperature beef. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and The Simpsons comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:38pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. __________________ An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says 'So far so good!' ___________________________________ Last edited by STREETFIRE68; Today at 07:50 PM.

08-08-2008, 08:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
STREETFIRE68 Chrome Bars = Real Cars Trade Rating: (0) Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Adelaide, SA Ride: Your sister :) Posts: 1,317	My favourite was the "maggots fried on hot grease" one. __________________ An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says 'So far so good!' ___________________________________ Last edited by STREETFIRE68; Today at 07:50 PM.

09-08-2008, 03:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
wabbit smell something burning? Trade Rating: (0) Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Rockhampton Ride: VK Commy slugmobile, Kia Rio, LH Torry Posts: 6,100	some absolute pearlers, there __________________ Nothing to see, here Move along, please .

10-08-2008, 12:37 AM	#6 (permalink)
Greeny casual poster Trade Rating: (0) Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Altona Meadows, VIC Ride: VS 5spd SS BT1 Posts: 213	OMFG!!!! This is the funniest shit I have ever read and Im not exagerating. I was LOL for real and not the kind of LOL you get ASAP at a BBQ you attend and the YMCA and end up thinking FFS!!! WTF Was I LOL for? that joke was FUBAR and now Im gonna DUI home cuz im embarrased type of LOL I was literally Laughing Out Loud!!! I am boot legging this one thru everyone I know. Cheers for the laugh streetfire!! __________________ If you want more inches JUST STROKE IT!!!

10-08-2008, 02:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
WB5LTR Do you ever leave? Trade Rating: (0) Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Vic Ride: Holden WB ute, '05 WR450F Posts: 2,080	bloody seppo's!!! __________________

09-08-2008, 10:35 AM	#4 (permalink)
evl1308 I HATE WORK Trade Rating: (1) Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: bunbury wa Ride: vl, vp commo daily Posts: 386	where do you find this stuff streety??? hahahahaha its gold, stupid americans

16-08-2008, 11:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
toryman Pure Evil Trade Rating: (0) Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Im a local everywhere Ride: everything i can get my hands on, 4 wheels or 2 Posts: 2,364	Hahahahahahaha, **** me thats some good shit! __________________ Now available in Sober, but for a limited time only! I wish it wasn't illegal to shoot stupid people.

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