Gym_

Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners and says to the old guy behind the counter.
Ive got a stain on my dress.
The old guy says WHAT ?
Ive got a stain on my dress
Old guy gays WHAT ?
IVE GOT A STAIN ON MY DRESS
COME AGAIN ?
No i think its musted this time !
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Hillary Clinton rings up bill and says,,
Bill im pregnant
(Bill) I beg your pardon ?
(Hillary) Bill im pregnant i don’t know how this happed ive been on the pill for years
(Bill) What did you say
(Hillary) I said im pregnant .. FFS .. What are we going to do about it ?
(Bill) Who is this ?

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Johnny was sitting in class and his teacher said
Were going to have a pop quiz today im going to says some famous quotes and you are going to tell me who said them and what date they were said on.
Ok who said “ We will fight them on the beaches?”
Little English boy put up his hand and said Winston Churchill 1942.
Teaches says vary good Fredric you get a early mark
Ok next question who said “ I will return ? “
Vietnamese girl puts up her hand and says Ho Ci Min 1919
Teacher says very good miss chin you get a early mark.
Johnny was pissed and Slammed his book on the table and said Fu**kin smart ass immigrants you should all piss off back home.
Teacher really shocked said “OK WHO SAID THAT” !!!
Johnny said “Bruce Ruckston 1988 ( president of the Victorian RSL )“

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Kathy freeman walked into Pauline Hanson’sfish and chip shop and said “one works burger please”.
Pauline said “ im sorry but we don’t serve your kind here theirs another fish and chip shop just 15min walk down the road you can go there”
Kathy said OMG do u know who i am ? im Kathy freeman im won gold at the olimpics im the fastest women in the world.
Pauline says well in that case its only 4 min down the road.

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I got a new car radio & its all voice activated and totally hands free so when im driving along you just say (volume up) & it gets loader , say (play cd) & it plays a cd say (country) & it finds a country music station ,say (hip hop) & it tunes to a hip hop station.. the only trouble is when i was driving yesterday this kid on skateboard skated right out in front of my car & i had to slam on the brakes and i yelled out the window (FU**ING KIDS) now my radio only plays Michel Jackson music
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I was talking to a mate the other day & we were saying about owe favoured sex positions.. i told my friend my favourite was a rodeo stile.. my mate said what the hell is that.. i explained that’s were ya doing ya misses doggy stile & wile ya in the middle of it ya tell her she not as tite as her sister... then ya have to hang on for more then 8 sec's
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Doctor ses to his patient "mate you’ve got herrpies" HERPIEIS pationt replays , i must have got it from a toilet seat !!
Doctor ses if you court herrpies from a toilet seat you were sucking it
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Q) Whats the difference between a HARLEY DAVASON & a VACUUM CLEANER ??
A) Not much its just the dirt bag is in a different spot.
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Two blokes standing at a piss troth & 1 guy pisses all over the other blokes legs.. just as he was about to get his head punched in he said "mate im so sorry but its not my fulit see.. ive got like 9 holes down the shaft of my ****... so the other guy ses "yer ok here call this guy he's my brother in law he will fix u up" & pulls a card from his wallet.. Oww thanks says the guy is he a doctor ?" NO hes a clarinet player he will show u how to hold the bloody thing properly.
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Two cows were standing a paddock for days .. finally one turns to the other and says MOOOOOOO
The other cow looks at him and said HEY!!! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY THAT !!!

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Trying to catch me ridin dirty